About 10 years ago, when it became clear that the Kansas City Royals were doomed to a long path of shitty-ness (I think that is a word), it wasn’t a whole lot of fun to be a Royals fan. Sure, the ballpark was nice and the tickets were cheap. There were always those two prospects who might come up from the minor leagues and be a key to the return to the glory days of the franchise. One could hope. But Royals fans are beaten down from these long, dark years. In times like those, you look for the little things to keep you entertained at the ballpark.
On one particular night in the early 2000′s, I was at Kauffman Stadium with my good friend “Jayson” (he is called “Jayson” because that is his name). Jayson and I decided to go watch the Royals take on the then A-Rod led Texas Rangers at the ballpark in KC. That night, A-rod crushed one of the longest home runs I have ever seen in my life when watching a game in person. This was the version of The K that had the video board in the outfield in left field with the little outdoor picnic area behind it and the Watson’s Pool & Spa hot tub which was set up way out beyond the wall in left center field.
For those too young to remember, Watson’s Pool & Spa used to have TV commercials on in KC and several other cities featuring a young lady in a bikini with a nice rack who was known as the Watson’s Girl (I think she was the owner’s daughter or step-daughter or something like that). They did a little video promo on the scoreboard at The K every game for the Watson’s area in the outfield that showed her sitting in the hot tub with her PFD’s on display (this is not an insult, Watson’s Girl-you looked good). A-Rod’s homer came to rest so far up the grass embankment that I turned to Jayson and said, “I think that landed between the Watson’s Girl’s tits!”
We nearly puked from laughing at that, and it spurned us into thinking up Royals slogans that accurately reflected the sad state of the franchise for not only the rest of the ballgame, but that top is still spinning as I write this. I saw this trend on Twitter during this season’s 12-game losing streak back in April and it got me to thinking it would make sense to get all these on the record somewhere since we were doing it 10 years before Twitter. Here is the best list I could come up with based purely on memory:
Royals Baseball…… Go Chiefs!
Royals Baseball…… We’re still shitty!
Royals Baseball…….Come stick your head between the Watson’s Girl’s tits!
Royals Baseball…… Contraction never looked so good!
Royals Baseball…… Come for the fountains, stay for the baseball.
Royals Baseball…… Come for the baseball, stay and play 3rd base!
Royals Baseball…… Come for the baseball, try to blow a save!
Royals Baseball…… You’re gonna hate these guys!
Royals Baseball…… We’re gonna trade these guys!
Royals Baseball…… The hot dog race is fun!
Royals Baseball…… 100% chance of severe scoring! (this was spawned by the stupid “severe warning” graphic they used to put on the video board when the Royals were threatening to have a big inning-it was supposed to look like a TV weather alert for severe weather)
Royals Baseball…… Minor league talent, major league prices!
Royals Baseball…… Have you seen the fountains?!
Royals Baseball…… Nosotros suckos!
Royals Baseball…… We’ll cure your insomnia!
Royals Baseball…… Come to the game or we might move!
Royals Baseball…… Come see some future Yankees play!
Royals Baseball…… We’re not gonna pay these guys!
Royals Baseball…… We used to be good.
Royals Baseball…… You’ll hate us even more after the game!